It's been a while since I posted something so I feel it's time.

You'd think I'd be full of inspiration after my adventure to the city of Newcastle, but the bad news is I've got nothing, and I think it's because I'm not feeling so good. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm lonely, I don't think it's because I don't have many friends, but that probably doesn't help, It's more to do with me not wanting to be around people because I feel like I'm the odd one out and shouldn't be there or they really aren't my friends, and they are just using me to get something. I know I have issues with trust, it's from past experiences with people, I know not everyone is the same, but if you push someone too hard they start to fail, and I've just been pushed too hard in the past and have lost my ability to trust. Also I find it very had to keep up with conversations with multiple people involved because my concentration is normally drawn to the most interesting person and the rest just fade out into background noise, I also get very sad after a while being around lots of people, I just get this feeling that I really don't fit in, and shouldn't be there.

I'd just like to point out that the not very well hidden message in my last post had no meaning because it didn't happen, it was thought that was quickly pushed aside after posting the blog, I've been pretty much free of that for such a long time now I'd be stupid to continue down that path. I do hate how quickly I come up with another plan that is bound to fail, and then make myself ten times worse when it does, I know I've been told a million times what I should do, but every time refused to even try going down that path, and instead come up with another awesome plan that would fix everything only to find out that even the day after I can't do even the simple things that I've stated that I will do, and I guess it's because I've been making plans that are made to fail.

The most annoying feeling in the world is the feeling like you should be more than you are, the feeling that is always there and never goes away, but you try and try to think what it could be only to come up nothing at the end of the day, and that is the most disappointing thing ever, this is a burning sensation in my mind that I should be doing something, I should be good at something, but I've got no idea what that something could be, and It's killing me.

Newcastle...It's funny how all them feeling come back as soon as I got there. I like very much like going to see my friends, It was very nice being around people that I believe actually like me for who I am, as always there were times where I felt shitty, and I tried so hard not to show it, and I don't know why I try to hide my feeling. I do remember one bit very well that bought back a pretty shitty memory and it was because I heard this song called "The Man Who Cheated Death", and I felt like I was right there at the time when this memory took place and I could feel it like I was actually at that point in time and I felt really bad, and I tried to ignore it so hard.

20-10 is the year it all changed for that youngish old man with black shoes that managed to make it though all that bullshit and lies...Whatever...I love how people feel like they have to wait till the start of a new year to change something about their life's, but if they just did it when they thought of it then it would already have been changed, and they would have that new car that they were going to save up for or they'd have lost that stone of weight, and I'm the expert in changed because I know exactly how not to do it so you really should listen to me so you don't make the mistakes I've been making.

Thanks for watching kids, Love you all....Please ignore my mistakes and retardedness